I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Don't make out with my wife yet
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
