if you like me you must not know who I am
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
