Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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