He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
