Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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