TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
