Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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