Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
