I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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