weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
