this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
