Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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