I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
