yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
