New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
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koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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