I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
