She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
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Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
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My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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