It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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