Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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