Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
