Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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