you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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