Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
