your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
