um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
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So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
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i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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