It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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