I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
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Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
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When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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