Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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