I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
