i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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