Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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