Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
