Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize