just come out here and I will go home with you...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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