Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
