I got chris browned last night
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
