The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
