I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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