I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
ttyl tear gas
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
