We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
The air taste purple.
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