I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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