i permit you to call me
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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