Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
