You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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