I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
