I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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