No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
