You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize