Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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