I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
