I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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