my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
We need to rekindle our bromance
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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