If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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