I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
