The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
