he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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