Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
