i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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