There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I puked a lego.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
