She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
