Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
