I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
