the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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