he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
