i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
