She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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