Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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