so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
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Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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