So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS