bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
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Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
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I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.