I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum